G x
• Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
• Free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless
• Absolute; complete
As I mentioned above, I would class myself as a perfectionist for many reasons- whether it be my meticulous mission to get the grades or the compelling cleanliness of my bedroom, I am a perfectionist. I suppose yes, it can be an advantage for many... but the need to search for perfection doesn't come without a downfall; for me, that downfall just so happened to be upset and anger when those standards weren't reached- which was both equally unhealthy as it was destructive. There are times when yes, it was an advantage- helping me kick my own butt and get things done to a good enough standard- but also times where it caused many arguments and upset, being that one "control freak" in a group project that wanted to do everything and everything their way. What baffles me to this day, though, is where my journey to perfection began? Was I born a perfectionist or was it embedded into me through my peers, the media...
Needless to mention, as with every other teenager, I struggled immensely with my body image- wanting to fill, dissolve, or change nearly every part of my body... and I did, but only my ears. It only takes a scroll through your Instagram feed, your Snapchat stories, your favourite reality TV show to be surrounded by ideals, to be surrounded by 'perfect': luxurious 'champagne' lifestyles, a never-ending conveyer belt of plastic surgery, endless promotion of teeth whitening kits and 'fitness' teas. Are we, as society, being compelled to look and feel a certain way? Are we told, unless we fit the ideal, that we aren't good enough? Without a shadow of doubt! As a female, I can speak and say we have all (most likely) felt pressure to look and be a certain way: cinched in waist, big boobs, big butt, plump lips, long lashes- to name a few! Is this realistic? Perhaps for the minority of us, but certainly not for me and for many other women! Around 5 years ago, Mattel's world-recognised Barbie doll came under massive scrutiny from many when graphics were published online, showing what a real-life Barbie would look like. Among having to walk on all fours due to her feet not being able to support her body, she would be around 5 foot 9 tall and 110 pounds- giving her a life-threatening BMI of 16.24, fitting the criteria for eating disorder for anorexia nervosa. Granted, Mattel are going in the right direction and making current Barbie dolls of realistic proportion- but this was only the beginning for firms, with many exposed in photoshopping scandals and glorifying articles of celebrity weight loss since.
Personally though, the media isn't the only source I think my perfection stemmed from- have you thought about the influence your peers and lifestyle have on you? Growing up in a family where education was central, and rightly so, I can safely say I feel pressure to perform- for all that has been invested, the worst for me would be to come home and disappoint! While this may not be the post for a rant, I felt it's important to mention this- and that's the education system chipping their part in. Expecting children to learn 15 poems and 2 literature texts off by heart with quotes? Now... I understand needing to separate the A*'s from the A's, but what test is this other than that of memory? While I value education highly, there is no denying the inevitable cracking under pressure at questions which cannot be answered- which for a perfectionist like me, seems like the end of the world. If failure is needed to learn, why does it feel like a crime to commit? Is it my own self expectation or pressure from other channels? That, I don't know!
To add, the idea of perfection is constantly changing- if it was even attainable in the first place. Go back 10 or 15 years and having a slim physique was all the rage, and while the image may continue now... it seems now we're more open to the idea of curves (finally!). What does it take to keep up with perfect? What is the perfect person? What is their personality?